I Will Love You Forever

Dah sampai masa, adik-adik aku dah makin besar. It's time for me to let go, and not being worried. Biar dulu banyak kali tegur, marah, bengang sebab tak do their best in life, tapi sekarang dua orang dah besar. Naim dah masuk UIA PJ, Iman akan masuk Kolej Professional MARA Julai ini, di Kuantan, in which if YOU read this, please check on her if you have time. I've already passed her name to PIC kawasan, but just in case, would you mind to check on her once a while di sana?

Being an abang sulung is not an easy task. Heavy burden and expectations from parents, and at the same time, in my case, enjoying my life. If there are problems in the family, it's you who takes charge. You'll be a mediator if anything critical happens between your parents and your fellow siblings, and you be the pressure-person if your fellow siblings sometimes lost their ways. And also you'll be a constant reminder for your parents, and because you are their first-born, you know your parents the most. And you know sometimes, it's better to sacrifice yourself for the sake of keeping the family intact. You are the one who holds both secrets from your parents and your siblings. Your siblings entrusted their secrets to you, although sometimes you figure them out. Your parents also discussed most of their problems with you. It's on your shoulders your parents cried, and it's you who'll take the blame if something happens to your siblings. It's natural.

You'll be the one your parents see if both of them had problems with each other.

Being a boy has another setback. You love your family so much, but you don't have the means to show your love, except by action. You don't know how to express 'I love you', yet you kissed your parents' cheek every time nak keluar rumah. You don't know how to bermanja, except when you fell sick, you take the chance to baring atas peha emak. To be tended and taken care of. When you are healthy, you are expected to be independent again and set examples for your siblings. Atau masa naik motor dengan ayah, dapat peluk puas-puas kat belakang. You protect your family, and when someone messes with your family, either you have the courage to let your siblings settle it as a growing person, or you take charge and someone will be sorry.

Being a first born and a boy will turn you as an expert of unspoken love. It's just lately that I have the courage to tell 'I love you' face to face to my parents, even though in my heart, those faces are the faces that I remember almost every second of my life. My solat will never be perfect without prayers included for my parents and siblings. I utter their names more than I could remember in my prayers after solat and ma'thurat every day. My successes were all fueled by the inspiration to make my parents proud. I myself don't really want all that. What I want is to make my parents and siblings proud.

Most of the times, I let my siblings solved their own problems. So they could grow up as a strong person.

I'm a person of silence. I don't know how to show my love. I'm learning slowly how to show my love, with the presence of my two little brothers Ayaz and Saif.


Ianya rindu yang memacu kehidupan. Rindu pada keluarga, rindu yang teramat sangat pada Nabi Muhammad. Dalam solat dan doa, dalam tahiyat dan selawat, kerinduan yang membuatkan hati ini terus segar dan kukuh menolak jahiliyah-jahiliyah hari ini. Jahiliyah di luar diri, juga jahiliyah dalam diri. Jahiliyah yang merosak hati. Rindulah yang menzahirkan cinta, moga Cintaku pada Rabb lebih diutamakan.

Allahumma amitna bi mauti syuhada'.

To Naim and Iman, choose your own path, and choose wisely. Hidup ini untuk Allah, and hanya untuk Allah.  Make sure everything revolves around that. Sandarkan setiap pilihan pada Allah, insya Allah tak ada penyesalan. Don't be afraid to fail, for experience is a great teacher. Jangan tinggal tarbiyah, sebab tarbiyah itu darah dan jantung kehidupan. Other than that, I as your brother, will support your decision if it's according to the will of Allah, and if it isn't, I will always be there to set you straight. I'm a guardian, assigned by Allah to guard you, and I will keep you safe until the day Allah takes my life. Love you.


The above picture tells about the character I adore the most, Uchiha Itachi. Read about him, and you'll find a very valuable principle that governs his life.

To my beloved

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Anekdot first day...

Salam adik-adik semua. Salam mak aku, mak aku peluk kuat-kuat. Mak aku menangis. Panjang mak aku pesan, last-last keluar perkataan 'I Love You'. Itu pun dah cukup sebenarnya. Hati bahagia, walaupun tak tunjuk di muka. Nak menangis jugak, tapi senyum je. Nanti lagi sedih mak aku. Mak aku menangis macam aku nak pergi oversea je, walhal Penang je pun. Masa tu mata dah bergenang, tapi lap cepat. Nanti mak aku lagi sedih. Walaupun depan orang, I'm proud being treated like that. Lol, anak manja. Not a whimpy one, but anak manja yang able to protect his family, and to protect his ummah. Kemudian salam ayah aku. Salam and peluk cara gentlemen. He taught me how to be a man. Kemudian salam and peluk adik-adik kecik dua orang, Ayaz dan Saif. Tapi derang macam tak kisah, sebab tengah bergurau sesama sendiri. Aku pun biarlah. Kereta pun pergi, akak polis sebelah siap tegur lagi, 'tak menangis ke?'. 'Taklah, dah besar, control sikit'.

Kemudian, dalam 30 minit lepas tu, mak aku call. Dengar suara Ayaz kuat menangis dalam fon, dia cakap "Abg Asif, terima masih kerana telah membesarkan Ayaz dan menjaga Ayaz dengan baik selama ni..Ayaz janji akan belajar elok-elok dan ngaji tiap malam-malam..huuuu(sambung nangis)". Aku pun menangis dalam bilik, berderai-derai air mata jatuh. Aku pun letak telefon,tak tahu nak cakap apa. Call mak aku balik lepas tu, tanya Ayaz cakap tu skrip ke? Mak aku cakap tak, memang Ayaz cakap sendiri. Ayaz ni darjah satu kalau kome nak tahu. Dalam kereta masa tu pun terkejut, Ayaz cakap macam tu. Rupanya masa aku salam derang dalam kereta tu, derang tak tahu aku nak masuk U dah. Kelakar betul. Bila dah otw balik baru mak aku cakap lepas ni Abg Asif takda, siapalah yang nak teman pergi tandas, buat susu, ngajar ngaji semua. Terus dua-dua menangis. Baru derang sedar. Keh keh. Sentimental betul. Dah takda sapa dah aku nak marah sebab conteng buku aku. Haha.

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1. I wrote this, with my love towards my family, and towards my very nice uncles and aunties. Asif di sini sihat-sihat aja. Baik-baik aja. Sudah mula kelas, juga sudah mula usrah. Usrah Asif dengan Dr *#^%$#, professor Physics di USM. Sampai-sampai di Penang ikhwah dah bawak pi jalan-jalan. Hujung minggu ini InsyaAllah pergi panjat gunung dengan Aqsa Syarif. Asif KoKu masuk Kesatria Negara.

Subject daftar enam, in which ada dua are pretty easy. English dan Agama Islam. Subjek lain biasa je. Dua physics, satu calculus, lagi satu subjek faculty - ElectroTechnology. Library dia best. Roommate pun boleh tahan. Seorang roommate dah mintak Asif ngajar dia mengaji walaupun kat Pusat Islam ada je halaqah al Quran ustaz tu buat. Tapi, ustaz-ustaz tu pun baca tajwid kantoi juga, tapi Asif diam jelah. Budak baru katakan. Pusat Islam dia aktif, almost every day ada kuliah. Lagi dua orang roommate selalu tengah DF. Sorang dah suruh Asif kejut dia Subuh masjid betul-betul sampai bangun. Setakat ini alhamdulillah tak ada kelas malam, boleh mengaji dan study senang sikit.

Kafe dia pun murah, setakat ini Asif kira perbelanjaan Asif RM211 sebulan, untuk makan sahaja. Buku belum beli lagi, tapi rasa macam tak payah kot. Although I love books so much, I think dengan keadaan duit sekarang, rilek-rilek dulu lah. Lecturer pun dah prepare note online. Wahai Mama n Baba, walaupun Asif dah dewasa, tapi macam perlu bantuan untuk beli laptop lah. Macam perlu sangat di sini. Hihi. Dah jumpa ramai ikhwah senior sini, derang offer Asif buku jugak. Separuh harga. Kat sini ada tiga rumah ikhwah dekat dengan UiTM.

Naim pun dah masuk UIA PJ. Dia exempted APT, EPT level 6.

2. I wrote this, with a bunch of regrets towards my best friend. Aku minta maaf, sebab tak dapat pergi oversea dengan kau. Aku cadang nak pergi nanti. Maybe Master. It is my utmost regret when I made the decision. Insya Allah, I pray, you'll be a great physicist one day, and as for me, to be a great engineer.

And thank you for everything. And Asyraf Roslan! happy belated birthday! Aku ingat masa form 4 aku lupa birthday kau. Haha. Moga berkat umur kau..dan mudah pelajaran kau. Aku sebenarnya ada post untuk kau, tapi maklumlah orang tak ada laptop plus wifi sentiasa bingung di sini. Ini pun roommate aku seludup gajet apa entah macam ada parabola nak intensify wifi bilik ni. Lepas ni, aku, kau dan Omar susahlah nak jumpa lagi. Sorang di Penang, sorang di Klate, sorang di Manchester. Acano nak gi tonton dota tournament lagi??

3. I wrote this, with a mountain of hope in the future. As you said, I put my choice on Allah. And I really really really really really hope that I can make it in time, to win. In 3 years, I'll be there. I'll meet him, and I'll be ready. Mark my word.

4. To all, do pray for me.

Ini aku sertakan lagu masa kami orientasi, ada abang senior dua orang nyanyi. Sumpah terbaik!! Aku menangis dengar, menangis betul. Aku tengok keliling aku ada yang nangis jugak. Later I know, they were the ones who are just like me, some older, 22 yrs old. Pegang harapan family. Bila datang sini, baru tahu, lagi ramai unfortunate. I should be grateful.